I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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