he puts the penis in happiness.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
