Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
