I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
