I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
