literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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