I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My life is pants optional.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
