if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Still dying that you shit outside
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
