My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
