i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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