I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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