Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
