no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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