i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
