ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
