I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
