dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
