I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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