You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
