I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
