my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
