I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
