so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
