So drunk its hurt
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's the barista slut.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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