He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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