Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
