remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
