did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
