Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we have officially lost it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
