Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
