I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
