wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
