That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
