i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
