I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
