I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
