So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
