I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
