ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your cock deserves a montage
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
