He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
