so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
