well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
