you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
