Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
