It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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