im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
