I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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