there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
