Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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