just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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