I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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